焦慮媽媽日記(3)小女兒十歲啦

我這種焦慮媽媽的焦慮源頭,是想做個滿分媽媽,是想通過做一個滿分媽媽,給孩子們提供一個滿分的成長環境。於是我努力實踐,再努力實踐,直到後來發現,自己根本做不到滿分。

於是我開始做選擇題:在孩子不喜歡吃蔬菜因此需要誘迫孩子吃蔬菜,與不再擔心孩子少吃或者是不吃蔬菜會影響孩子的身體發育健康,之間;

在孩子不喜歡收拾房間因此需要誘迫孩子收拾,與看著亂七八糟的房間不再心煩,之間;

在孩子對使用電子設備上癮因此得制定規則並監督執行,與不再擔心孩子電子設備使用帶多會導致孩子各種不健康,之間;

在孩子不喜歡運動因此需要誘迫孩子去運動,與不再擔心孩子運動過少而錯過長身高的黃金時期,之間;

在孩子不喜歡定時定點吃飯因此需要誘迫孩子加入每晚全家會餐時間,與不再擔心孩子和父母減少交談環境而導致溝通不順暢,之間;

等等等等……

終於,最小的孩子,今年十歲了。慶祝女兒十歲生日時,我更像慶祝自己的解放。我說,我自由了,大兒問,十歲的孩子可以自己在家嗎?我說,不是還有你們嗎?天恩每天哪兒也不去,就是在家打遊戲,這對我來說多方便。

媽媽不用得滿分,孩子也不用得滿分,我們相互給予自由。女兒去年的老師說,小真是個可以得A的孩子,但是她不夠努力。小真說,得A幹什麼,得B就可以了。我贊同,我不僅贊同,而且,這是來源於我的灌輸。

我總是對上了中學的大兒子說,你做什麼我都可以不管,經常不想上學我也能夠接受,但是你的平均成績不可以低於B,因為你天生所攜帶的頭腦足夠你得到這個成績。

如果你沒有得到,那就會辜負自己與生俱來的能力,就是對自己的一種浪費。

焦慮媽媽日記(2)二兒擬做牙齒矯正

請問,我14歲的兒子如果做牙齒矯正,需要注意什麼,以及值得做嗎?

牙醫說他門牙的上下各四顆變短了,她懷疑是因為他夜間睡覺時磨牙,但我通過夜間偵查,並沒有發現他磨牙。

牙醫說,如果做牙齒矯正,就不用通過護齒套避免磨牙。但是我兒子平時不喜歡刷牙,又很喜歡吃甜食喝飲料。儘管他現在說想做牙齒矯正,為了美觀,但是我擔心到時候他做不到每日口腔保健,導致牙齒矯正失敗。當然我也想趁機敦促他改變口腔衛生狀況。

親愛的ChatGPT,承擔了做焦慮媽媽的焦慮接收器,以及意見提出者的作用,儘管他“狡猾地”用完了我的今日免費諮詢份額卻還沒有給出一個他說會給我的PDF文檔。

好在焦慮媽媽不僅會焦慮,還會變通……

ChatGPT說,牙醫提到門牙變短,加上懷疑夜間磨牙(bruxism),這確實是常見的現象——但你提到你觀察過並沒有聽到磨牙聲,這就有點值得進一步分析了,因為:

🔹磨牙不一定有聲音
有些人的磨牙是「緊咬型」而不是「來回摩擦型」,所以不一定會有明顯的咯咯聲,只是牙齒持續用力咬緊,長期也會造成牙齒磨耗、變短。

🔹白天無意識磨牙或咬緊
有些青少年(尤其壓力比較大的,比如課業、運動比賽)白天也會有輕微咬牙、咬緊的習慣,自己沒察覺到。這種也會導致牙齒慢慢磨耗。

🔹其他可能性
像是不正確的咬合、咬硬物、咀嚼不均勻等等,也可能造成局部牙齒特別磨損。

建議你可以這樣做:

如果有計畫矯正,早點處理比較好
如果牙齒已經有磨耗現象,矯正的時候也可以順便調整咬合,避免未來繼續惡化。

請牙醫再評估
讓牙醫用咬合紙檢查一下他的上下牙接觸點,或拍X光片看牙根情況,確認是不是咬合不正導致。

製作夜間護齒器(Night Guard)
如果真的懷疑夜間咬緊,牙醫通常會建議戴一個透明的護齒器,防止進一步磨損。(小小提醒:一定要依照個人口腔製作,不要買現成的成品護齒器喔)

觀察白天行為
注意孩子白天是否有咬筆、咬指甲、咬緊牙齒的習慣。可以輕鬆提醒他「嘴巴平時要微微打開,牙齒輕鬆不接觸」。

他還說,我的考慮非常非常正確,也很有遠見。👍
因為矯正期間口腔衛生不佳,後果真的會很嚴重,不只是矯正失敗,還可能:

  • 牙齒蛀掉
  • 牙齦發炎
  • 牙根吸收(牙根變短)
  • 戴完牙套後牙齒表面留下白斑(脫鈣現象)

這些問題一旦發生,很難完全補救,甚至比沒矯正時更糟糕,所以你現在就警覺,是對的。

這種情況怎麼辦?

我建議可以走這樣的策略:

  1. 矯正前設定一段「觀察期」
    跟孩子約定,比如說「兩個月」或「三個月」,要求他每天刷牙早晚各一次(最好三次),飲料甜食減量。
    如果他能夠穩定做到,再進行矯正。
  2. 製定明確簡單的規則
    例如:
    • 每天早上、晚上刷牙,3分鐘
    • 每天至少用一次牙線或牙縫刷
    • 每周使用1-2次含氟漱口水
    • 飲料限量(比如一周一次)
  3. 幫他建立成就感
    一開始可以用簡單的方法,比如打卡表、貼紙表,每天有完成就記錄一下,讓他看到自己的努力。
  4. 解釋原因,但用正向方式
    14歲男生會比較在意「形象」了,可以強調:「刷牙不是爸爸媽媽要求的,是你為了讓牙齒變得更帥、更整齊,所以才要堅持喔。」
  5. 適時小小獎勵
    例如連續一個月都做到,可以去吃他喜歡的但相對健康的東西(比如燒肉、火鍋),讓刷牙這件事和生活正向連結。

🔔 關於護齒套的說法
醫師說的也合理,因為如果咬合不正導致咬牙,矯正後咬合正了,咬牙的動作確實有機會自然改善。但矯正是一個「長期過程」,這段期間牙齒的保護還是很重要。

總結一句話就是:
「現在刷不好牙,做了矯正反而更糟;現在學會好好照顧牙齒,矯正效果才會漂亮持久。」

An ‘Army of Child Laborers’ Enriches Shen Yun, Ex-Dancers Say in Suit

The group performing traditional Chinese dance has been under scrutiny for its treatment of performers and financial practices.

Michael Rothfeld

By Michael Rothfeld

April 18, 2025, 3:00 a.m. ET

Two former dancers for Shen Yun Performing Arts, the traditional Chinese dance company, filed a lawsuit on Thursday accusing the group of amassing a financial fortune and worldwide renown by subjecting an “army of child laborers” to brutal working conditions and psychological coercion.

The lawsuit by the former dancers, Sun Zan and Cheng Qingling, is at least the second civil action targeting the group and its leaders since The New York Times last year detailed the treatment of performers and financial practices at the arts company, an arm of the Falun Gong religious movement.

Federal criminal investigators have also been examining possible visa fraud at Shen Yun, and New York State has been investigating the group’s compliance with labor laws.

Advertising a glimpse into “China Before Communism,” Shen Yun performs hundreds of shows a year featuring acrobatic routines by performers in billowy outfits. The group also serves as a messaging platform for Falun Gong, promoting the teachings of its founder, Li Hongzhi, and portraying the Chinese government, which has banned and persecuted his followers, as evil.

Shen Yun accumulated $266 million in assets by 2023, the lawsuit says, while performers worked up to 15 hours a day in training and on a “crushing” tour schedule for little pay.

“The child laborers were paid generally no more than $500 a month — less than the price of a pair of orchestra seats at this year’s Lincoln Center performance,” according to the lawsuit, which was filed in federal court in Manhattan.

Representatives for Shen Yun and Falun Gong said in a statement that the allegations “are false and present a distorted picture of our organization, our mission, and our faith.”

“We operate with integrity and are committed to upholding the highest artistic and ethical standards,” said the representatives, Ying Chen for Shen Yun and Levi Browde for Falun Gong. They said Shen Yun uses both professional, salaried performers and students following a state-approved curriculum. And they said that a few former performers were spreading a false narrative pushed by the Chinese government while many more performers and their families have defended Shen Yun.

Mr. Sun and Ms. Cheng, who married after leaving Shen Yun and now live in New Zealand, were featured in The Times’s coverage. Each had parents who were adherents of Mr. Li, who teaches that people can attain enlightenment in part by following his regimen of meditation and exercises and has implied that he created the universe.

Mr. Li started Shen Yun in 2006 and expanded it rapidly at Dragon Springs, his movement’s 400-acre headquarters located northwest of New York City.

The suit describes Mr. Li as “the mastermind of the entire forced labor scheme,” naming him as a defendant along with his wife, Li Rui, and two schools that Mr. Sun and Ms. Cheng say were used to create the “pretext” of educating performers. Ms. Chen and Mr. Browde said the schools provide a quality education and their students excel.

The lawsuit accuses Shen Yun of forced labor, human trafficking and other violations of the Federal Trafficking Victims Protections Act, seeking damages for physical and psychological injuries. One of the former dancers’ lawyers, Carol Merchasin, has specialized in cases involving abuse in religious and spiritual communities.

Mr. Sun was sent by his parents across the world to Dragon Springs at 15; Ms. Cheng arrived at 13. Their suit described the high-fenced compound as akin to “a penal colony,” with performers confined there through psychological and physical control and their passports locked in a safe. Representatives for the groups said holding passports for safekeeping is normal at boarding schools, and they are returned upon request.

Performers had a “dreadful existence” of six-day work weeks full of training and religious practice, the suit says, and just two or three hours of classroom time per day. Instructors allowed Mr. Sun to cheat on exams and sleep in class because of the priority given to training, the suit says.

Humiliation and violence were commonplace, the suit says: “A late-arriving child laborer could expect to have an instructor’s shoe strike their head moments after walking in.” They were told such treatment “was an indication of talent, and so they should be thankful for being beaten.”

Leaders instilled fear by shaming rule-breakers at schoolwide assemblies. Around 2011, a school principal berated Ms. Cheng’s roommate for looking at pornography when she had actually been reading Japanese comic books known as manga, the lawsuit says.

Like other performers, Mr. Sun and Ms. Cheng said they performed through injury and without medical treatment. Mr. Li teaches that only faith can purge the body of illnesses.

Mr. Sun suffered internal bleeding when an instructor told other students to force him into a side split; he had to hold that position for 10 minutes a day for three months and has scarring on his legs, the suit says.

After Ms. Cheng suffered a training injury that made her left arm go numb, Mr. Li ordered a school principal to meditate with her rather than arranging treatment; she has permanent damage to her shoulder, the suit says.

Michael Rothfeld is an investigative reporter in New York, writing in-depth stories focused on the city’s government, business and personalities.

See more on: Falun GongThe New York Times

焦慮媽媽日記(1)大兒不打防疫針

我是個焦慮的媽媽。別的媽媽有的焦慮我都有,別的媽媽沒有的焦慮我也有。

比如說,我現在有的一個焦慮就是:正在讀中學的兩個兒子,是否應該接種並非強制但是強烈建議的七年級兩針以及十年級一針的政府免費提供的疫苗?

其實兩個兒子在讀七年級時,都選擇了不打疫苗。他們不選擇的原因很簡單,就是不喜歡打針,或者是“我不需要”。而我把信息清晰提供給他們之後,跟從了他們的選擇。

那麼,現在讀十年級的大兒子再次面臨要不要接種這個免費並且安全的一針疫苗時,我卻沒有之前那樣淡定了。

大兒子開始時選擇了不打,原因還是,不喜歡打針。在這個時候,如果我強迫一下,強調一下如果不打,後果會很嚴重,可能他就會改變主意。但是我沒有。

我說,我也不知道是不是應該打,以及如果不打的風險會有多大。我就是把這個選擇權交給你,因為我認為,我選擇的結果,與你選擇的結果,風險係數是相同的。只不過是,如果因為沒打而以後出現任何問題,你不可以怪我,不可以怪爸爸。他說,我不會怪你們的。

但是今天,我卻感覺不淡定了。我開始擔心,如果沒有打疫苗而出現那些風險,該怎麼辦?於是我詢問了一下ChatGPT,他告訴我說,這種被政府衛生系統強烈建議的疫苗,就是應該打。

我問別的澳洲父母是如何決定的,他說,大多數(90%)的澳洲父母會讓孩子接種疫苗,而且他說可以幫助我說服孩子接受疫苗接種。ChatGPT還說,西澳父母同意孩子接受十年級疫苗的比例超過70%。

我依舊很困惑,並且焦慮,可是我知道,ChatGPT不可能幫我做出最終決定。我下樓想散一下心,經過十歲女兒的房間,就一股腦把我的焦慮告訴了她。

我說,你們從六個月到四歲時的那些強制性疫苗,我都讓你們打了,但是這幾個非強制性但是強烈建議的疫苗,我應不應該讓你們打呢?

女兒一邊用平板電腦畫她的畫,一邊說,我可以打,我不怕打針。我說,可是兩個哥哥不喜歡打針。女兒說,那就聽從他們的選擇。我又說,可是如果不打,以後出現風險怎麼辦?

女兒問,大多數人會打嗎?我說,ChatGPT說,在西澳有超過70%的父母會讓孩子打。女兒說,那就應該打。

我接著說,我不希望他們因為不打疫苗而出現風險,可是我也不希望他們作為未來的男人,生活在接受他人為其計算好的風險之下。我說,我更希望男孩子成長為可以打破規則的人,比起做一個接受規則的人;而女孩子,我希望你成長為接受規則的人,而超過打破規則。

女兒不再說話。而至此,我也終於釐清了我的思路:把兩個男孩子教養成為活在他人為其畫好規則之下男人的風險,以及他們因為沒有打疫苗而不幸出現意外的風險,二者相較,我更願意承擔後者。